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steps with ... Ben - episode Thirty Four Steps

we were still nineteen.

The fourth was for me a pretty quiet year in terms of school.

I say enough, because there was the usual cause suffering in Mathematics.

I had found my balance and I could get good grades in all subjects except "that".

However I managed to win the confidence of the final Piax managing to do well a task that everyone except me and Paul were wrong. Only two of us we managed to take enough, and because the professor had found that the hardest task of all those made during the year, they were the only ones to do it properly we did score a lot of points in the standings, because what could be the result chance or luck.

In short, everything was channeled in the right direction. I was not the first class, but, to put it in football terms, I was in the UEFA zone, ie in the first 6:00 to 7:00 positions.

of that school year I did not remember details, except for a few episodes.

I knew better Tecla, who last year left me somewhat unsympathetic, had become almost classmates, because the two of us sat Borz, but that does not talk and we could not change places in order to put next to it.

She was a very intelligent girl, cute, had all the credentials to be desired, and instead is distressed because she could not get the boy. And that anxiety had become almost an obsession for her.

he told us something of her anxieties, and so, slowly, for she almost became a confessor. This

his unconditional trust in my abilities to "listen" went on for several years, even beyond the school years.

I tried to make her understand that she must have patience without jump into relationships without meaning, that sooner or later he would find the right person, because he had all the qualities to be loved. I told her also to be careful not to become prey to unscrupulous guys. Sometimes I was tenderness for his desperate search for love.

With the other guys consolidai friendships going, especially with Luke, Juba, Elena, Stefan, Cristina and Cecilia. I am comfortable with them because people were soap and water.

Elena was frantic in the moves and speaking, she was always smiling. She was small in stature but had a great vitality and a unique joy. Often I went to study with her, along with others, and I realized that his family were like her. Together they seemed happy brigade. One of his parents, can not remember if the mother or the father, had roots in Pistoia, and this made me more sympathetic to their eyes, so I felt a little 'home, when I went to her.

Stefania was different, more serious, less playful. His family had humble origins. It seemed, especially going to his house, which often had to grit my teeth to get by.

Stefania and Helena came to be part of a Catholic group with whom I'd gone out a few times during the following years.

Cecilia, then, what about her. It was the girl with whom I spoke in class more. Often he understood my moods, looking at me, like the time ...

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is one of those moments when you know that words do not need. Cross the threshold of the door and enter the house. There are people. Her grief-stricken, he stands, giving away the stove, with open hands, palm facing the flames, perhaps in search of warmth that he knows he has lost.

The greetings and hugged her, Gripping, to make them feel all your closeness, your love, all you can give her. But you know there will be no arms in which she could surrender. In

few speak, and if they do, do it softly, almost not wanting to disturb. Sometimes it is stronger than the noise of leaf roll tissues which, in turn, are thrown into the stove. Quick hands open the door, throw the cartridge and close, being careful not to burn. The flame in there, shake the walls between white and resumed power for a few moments before returning to normal movements. That stove

charms everyone, and that silence surreal, draws all to himself. In turn, in many get up in front carrying and spreading his arms to warm the palms of your hands before returning to the spot and let others repeat this ritual.

More people arrive and greet each and every time, every word of encouragement, to embrace each received, she renews the pain and come out fresh tears from her eyes tired.

The flame in the stove, now she is tired, but now we are ready to hand feed it with a piece of wood, after halting a moment, he launches into new dances, infusing new warmth in that room.

Inexorable, it's time that no one would have wanted. All left their homes, some in silence, some crying, seeking comfort in the eyes of others.

front of him there.

Before you go someone back into the house, take a look at the stove, opens the door and throws another timber. Yes, because you, when you fall, will have to find the house warm.

then goes out and closes the door behind him.

That heat must not be lost.

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The stove ... by Ben - episode Thirty Four

A me back a bit 'when I fell from the gray was a disappointment.

one morning that I went to Florence, we decided to go on strike because I do not know why, I decided to visit my old classmates in Pistoia.

time I entered the interval. I was convinced that others would have been pleased to see me and I would do a little 'holiday, but did not go well. All proved to be taken from other things or people that were in force to see those minutes of recreation. Only Sandra stayed with me for those few minutes, even Richard nursed me that much. It almost seemed that not even remember me, and that saddened me a lot. So I decided to walk away before it ended the break, giving up to say goodbye to some old professor.

I had a breakthrough during the meeting: my companions had gone forward and not look back in their memories. I, unfortunately, I was still tied to the memories and this kept me from jumping that stand out to leave behind what had been and was no more. I realized that I was living more in the past and present.

Once again a bad thing made me change course. I wanted to avoid it in the sense that I would have gladly accepted a positive event, but apparently I did not have what is called Outrageous Fortune.

For the umpteenth time I had my courage to leave. And start over.

I left behind the memories of Pistoia in my head and I accepted my new life. I was involved and decided to dance. I did not ask anyone for help and perhaps few people noticed my discomfort.

The second quarter went much better. I was beginning to get on as it always had happened until last year, even if Mathematics was always at the limit of sufficiency.

During the year new friendships deepened. I was very comfortable with Stefan and Elena, because they were very simple people and at the same time, funny.

With Luke we have in common the fact that they come from different schools from the Galileo and I had a relationship with him that kept us together until some time after school.

friendship with Juba, are drawn that continues today.

He was a real heartbreaker, all the girls falling at his feet, yet he apparently did nothing to attract them.

Meanwhile I began to better know Cristina, the old Tina, as I call it. We visited with her until she became a mother.

The school year turned at the end quietly.

The tour, in Val d'Aosta, was not that great in the sense that there were no adventures of any kind, as had been in the past, for better or for worse.

Rimediai the few shortcomings, except mathematics, for which I was sent in September: a disgrace for someone like me always used to be the first in my class, I studied hard and was promoted without any problems.

The Piax for consideration of repair, wanted me to do well the written test, namely that in which I expressed the most obvious indecision. In fact, the day of the oral test, he said

"Benassai, now I have nothing to ask. Was already well during the school year. The written test went well. I was able to promote yourself directly in June, but I preferred to do so because you can share in the fourth already been run. "

These, more or less, were his words and the meaning of his speech and there was no question. At first I was angry because he could avoid studying for an entire summer. But then I had to thank his behavior, because actually I faced in the coming years without significant problems.

Many were repulsed, and the class suffered a sharp fall in attendance.

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steps ... by Ben - episode Thirty

The impact was hard enough, the subjects were very heavy, even those made by some teachers.

For Computer Science, driving the field along with mathematics, we had a teacher quite incomprehensible: in the beginning seemed like a good teacher, only to prove one of the most slippery.

not started well in that matter, failing the first task.

was difficult to convince the teacher that that task was wrong was the exception, not the rule.

He put on his head that I was not enough and, even if subsequent written evidence to the contrary, he remained convinced that my good performances were the result of copying.

It took all year to convince him otherwise, to the sound of the votes.

The other was a tough professor of mathematics, the Piax.

with little hair, albino, bespectacled, lanky dry, was the terror of almost all pupils had as a teacher.

With him it was impossible to make any kind of relationship. He did not speak and did speak. He seemed frustrated that the classic type vent his uselessness on others.

could not explain, but simply to read his notes and dictations. If someone came up to ask for repetition because he did not understand, he re-read verbatim what he had said earlier, without adding or deepening each other.

With him even the easiest things became difficult.

I, who I used to always get good marks, if not excellent, I began to know the bitterness of the gaps, tapping the bottom right in Mathematics. I could not have become a nag all of a shot, but the votes were clear and I could not believe. And so, little by little, I lost confidence in myself and my character died a bit ', and even my personality began to suffer strokes, I lost my confidence, and I felt more and more small and frightened.

do not shine as in previous years, although I did not have serious deficiencies, except those already mentioned.

The inclusion in the school was harder than I imagined and I had already imagined enough before you start.

My life was changed dramatically in a short time and my solitude, if possible, increased.

I got all the home and school, with the alarm sounded early in the morning and then to study all day, until it was time to go to bed. This prevented me from attending those few friends I had left. I saw Maria Rosa and occasionally on Saturdays, but not all, Saimon, with whom I went to go for a walk downtown. On Sundays and closed on me still studying, at least nine times out of ten.

The memory of beautiful year spent in the second, tormented me, and many times I was tempted to give up and go back from where I had come.

The first quarter ended with some errors.

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Four Steps ... by Ben - Thirtieth bet

John, Borz, a boy was very cheerful and smiling. Each of his speech was accompanied by a giggle and by the inevitable movement of the legs. It became for me a reference point for all times, then I would have stayed in Florence to study. Him I was staying in his house to eat and study and, if necessary, even to sleep. His family, of the rural south, was very friendly. His mother and his father soon became Mom and Dad Borz Borz.

I grew fond of that family and John.

felt a special affection for him, even though our friendship was never deep in that time, perhaps for the many differences in character between the two of us. I looked very mature, show a few more years of the sixteen I had, as he sometimes seemed to have something less, perhaps because he was always that little laugh on his lips.

We were the one on the other hand: I loved to say little, he liked to talk a lot and I was serious, He laughed all the time, I had measured the movement, he moved his limbs all the time, I am an introvert, he expansive.

Maybe we complement each other, but then direct our friends to different people.

We were a large class, mostly young students from two classes, as well as those who, like me, came from other schools in Florence and beyond. In fact there were two guys who came from Montecatini, Simon and James. We were the three "foreigners".

Gradually I began to know the others, especially those I met on the bus, as Luke and Tamara Cecilia.

Simon and James did not take the train to get to Florence, but the bus and, although living farther than me, paradoxically, took less time on the outward, both to return.

order not to miss the train back, that of 14.06, had to issue me a permit to leave ten minutes before the normal end of the class.

In class there was a girl of Foggia, and I honestly do not ever understood the reason for its inclusion, because it was a few times and then stopped permanently, as it did shortly after Tamara, who went back to Accounting, the normal course.

was not a homogeneous class and united, at least initially, because the boys are part of the two blocks are still in their positions, without trying to bond with others.

So, I can say, we were divided into three sections: on the one hand, there was a block from a class, the other block from the other class, and among all the others who for the first time attending the Galilei.

to throw it on the political was a little 'how to be in parliament: Left, Right and Center.

These differences were noted even in the assemblies, where the blocks had ideas and positions clearly delineated and different.

Well, I had a great impression of my new classmates.

addition to John, my preferences were for Luke, Carmen, Cecilia, Stefania, said John Juba, and Elena, with others I met many difficulties.

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